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In a nutshell: Mount Vesuvius, a volcano in southern Italy, erupted in 79 AD, obliterating the nearby city of Pompeii and leaving the baked corpses of its residents preserved in thick coats of volcanic ash..
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That’s about it. Given the swift finality of this event, any movie about it must consist largely of prologue. And so the writers of the new movie Pompeii have devised a love story, played out amid much gladiatorial combat,(Download Pompeii Movie) to lead us up to the crowning cataclysm. Fine. But the participation of director Paul W.S Anderson in this project will stir wariness in some prospective viewers—this is the proud hack responsible for the Resident Evil films, as well as AVP: Alien vs. Predator and a notably knuckleheaded Death Race remake.
But Anderson’s unfeigned enthusiasm for fantasy schlock and bombastic digital effects turns out to be a pretty good match for this generic material.(Download Pompeii Movie) He is unfazed by the silliness of the love story—a star-crossed union of hunky slave and noble beauty—and he revels in the delirious mayhem by which it’s surrounded. (A 3D traditionalist, he’s delighted to fling boulders, swords and flinders straight out into our faces.)
The movie begins in Britannium in 62 AD, with a Celtic revolt being brutally quelled by Roman soldiers led by the sneering Corvus (Kiefer Sutherland), who dispatches two rebels before the eyes of their young son, Milo. (Download Pompeii Movie) The kid is clapped into chains and grows up to become Game of Thrones heartthrob Kit Harington. After distinguishing himself in some preliminary gladiatorial action, Milo is dragged off to the death-match capital of Pompeii. Along the way he encounters the dainty Cassia (Emily Browning, of Sucker Punch), whose horse has foundered on a country road. Milo, a horse-whisperer of sorts, helpfully snaps the doomed beast’s neck, and he and Cassia fall instantly in love. Whatever.
In Pompeii, Milo is consigned to the murky slave cells, where he meets champion gladiator Atticus (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje,(Download Pompeii Movie) of Thor: The Dark World). They’re antagonists at first, but naturally become buddies. Meanwhile, Corvus, now a Roman senator, has come to town to do some business with local real-estate magnate Severus (Jared Harris). He also has his eye on Severus’ daughter—Cassia, of course—and soon crosses paths with Milo, who bears an understandable grudge against the man who killed his parents.
All of this plot boilerplate is goosed along by frequent cutaways to nearby Vesuvius as it rumbles and glows and finally explodes,(Download Pompeii Movie) spewing rocks and lava and raining down fireballs on the terrified Pompeiians. The resulting chaos is impressively over-the-top, and director Anderson—now completely in his element—doubles down by bringing in a CGI tidal wave to crash through the narrow streets. As gaudy genre uproar goes, this isn’t bad.
Anderson also devises several lively arena battles—especially a long one in which a handful of slave gladiators triumphantly butt-kick a small army of hateful Roman soldiers. And he’s clearly a connoisseur of bad dialogue.(Download Pompeii Movie) At one point, a tubby aristocrat complains, “You dragged me from a perfectly good brothel for this?” At another, Kiefer Sutherland actually unleashes the line “Kill them all!”—and later tops it by addressing an unhelpful woman as “You bitch!” Does it get much better than this?Ever see a movie so awful you wish a ginormous volcano would blow up, ending it all and setting you free? Pompeii doesn’t do much right, but at least it manages that welcome feat.
You’d think a story based on the catastrophe that saw Mount Vesuvias engulf a Roman city in the year 79 would be a bit of a letdown,(Download Pompeii Movie) and you’d be correct. A lowly Gladiator clone, the movie is the cinematic equivalent of fiery spewing lava that engulfs all semblance hope and joy, smothering you in the grisly reality that life is meaningless and the elements could swallow you whole at any time. Real heartwarmer, this one.
Director Paul W.S. Anderson is known for his 75 soul-destroying Resident Evil flicks, and in fact is a resident evil himself as the Mount Vesuvias of the film industry.(Download Pompeii Movie) Kit Harington–flushing away much of the goodwill he’s created by bringing Jon Snow to life in Game of Thrones–plays a slave child who becomes a pugilist who goes by the coliseum name The Celt. He schemes to overthrow the crushing power of the evil Senator (Kiefer Sutherland) while romancing a hot princess that (Emily Browning) the Senator would like to quorum for himself.
The Senator deserves the indignity because he’s the one who slaughtered all of The Celt’s people, making him the Celt and not just “a” Celt. You know how these things go. The Celt, despite being a rather scrawny twerp,(Download Pompeii Movie) has the Batman-like ability to beat up dozens of dudes at the same time. The Senator thinks it would be a great idea to have the princess sit by him in his luxury box and watch The Celt get slaughtered by swarms of centurions. Guess how well that plan turns out?
(Download Pompeii Movie) Throughout the lame cookie-cutter travesty, about the only interesting thing going on is that Vesuvias rumbles every now and again, forcing people to stop reciting their dull, uninspired lines and stare over at it, wondering if they should leave. Horror movies are famed for making you scream at characters who ignore blatant warnings of their impending demise, but there’s no one in this movie likable enough to merit yelling at the screen. You’re cool with them just staying around and getting volcanoed,(Watch Pompeii Online) sooner rather than later.Things get even sillier later on, when the volcano starts blowing its load and people not only don’t pay attention to it, but start prison-fighting each other, jumping into craters, and staring off into space as they deliver lengthy vagina monologues about what it all means.
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When the big one hits, Anderson loses his nerve, refusing to show the poorly-rendered CGI annihilation of innocents and framing the movie as though the few central characters are the only ones in the city.(Watch Pompeii Online) The movie’s one hook was its unspeakable, gotta-see-it-to-believe spectacle, but the explosion is less like a Fourth of July grand finale and more like a squeaky dud quickly forgotten in the night sky.If you find yourself sucked into a showing of Pompeii, take the sage wisdom of the band Pompeii and just close your eyes. Some ear plugs wouldn’t hurt either.
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